Have you ever looked out into a city’s skyline and noticed the thousands of little rectangular lights shining through the windows of buildings? Then think to yourself — wow, there’s a bunch of tiny people in there working away. Or maybe you could even see someone cooking a meal for friends. And then you start thinking — why is that light in the office still on? Does that person not have a family to go home to? Or does he not want to go home to his family? — and — aw, those are some cool party lights. It must be someone’s birthday. Then slowly you start to realize those thousands of people even in just a few buildings, all wake up every morning to go their separate ways to each live a unique and individual day. THEN, each person probably comes across another handful of people at work, the gym, the grocery store who are also all living the lead in their life; who then go home to their friends or family who also just lived their own experiences.

Or maybe you’ve never had a thought like that at all. 

Well, I definitely have. Probably way too often, but I’m sure someone can relate. I recently was on a set where I overheard someone talking about this feeling of awareness and that there was a word for it–sonder.

Sonder 

noun.

the feeling one has on realizing that every other individual one sees has a life as full and real as one’s own.
In a state of sonder, each of us is at once a hero, a supporting cast member, and an extra in overlapping stories.

I jumped in on the conversation excited that there was such a beautiful word to describe this unique feeling. (And for being one who has probably too much awareness, I am so sorry I do not remember who I was having this conversation with. But thank you for teaching us.)

When I was younger, I used to think about how my family and I were just five people in one house on a street of forty, in a block of maybe 600 homes. All filled with people going through their own lives. I would think about how just a couple houses down from me another family could be celebrating. Or across the street I could hear an argument between a couple. And a few blocks down, someone just bought a new car for their kid while someone else is grieving a death. And the craziest part for me to comprehend when I was little, was the fact that even though we all only lived a few yards away from these monumental moments—truth is, we really never knew what went on inside. 

That went a little somber. Point is, I am excited to know that there is an actual word to describe a very intimate and internal realization. Sometimes we all get a little too caught up in our own lives that we forget that a stranger we were being short with or judging is also just caught up in their own life. 

It’s cool to think that we can go out for the day with main character energy and feel completely aligned with the universe, but in reality we are just someone else’s background character. Lol. It can be amazing or daunting to realize how tiny we are in the grand scheme of things. But no matter what, no matter how aware you can try to be, you will always be the lead in your own life. PSA don’t sonder alone.